In the long and lonely night

I reached out to you, I cried

Your kindness, disarming, flew

And I felt you by my side.

A long walk in the pale moon light

And you walk by my side

Comfort me and turn the tide

My heart, once again, is full.

Hearts of glass - woe betide

And I felt you by my side

Walking in the pale moon light

I'll keep you in my sight.

Howling my grief tonight

Walking in the pale moon light

And I felt you by my side

Hearts of glass - woe betide.

Walking in the rain

My heart is eased, my pain

Dissolved as droplets fall

Truth to tell and that is all.

You touch my cheek - I lay asleep

In my dreams I lay awake

Touch my heart my soul to take

My tears they dry - I cease to weep.

Well, apparently Dickens Fair will be starting a full weekend early, the weekend before Thanksgiving, and the hours have been extended, as well. This is bad news for the performers, who work hard enough for no money as it is, but good news for the patrons and the people who make money off the thing. One good thing is the gate pass fee has been waived this year, so at least people don't have to pay to work there. I wonder what ticket prices are like and if it would be worthwhile to get a pass. I'm not sure how many days I'll be up to going, is all. At least one of the days I go I think I'll have to take out my Halloween costume from this year: the bearded lady. Wouldn't that be fun!! Not too many of those around. Kind of makes me just want to go bearded and in disguise anyway. Wearing trousers, I mean, and if I had the clothes, I probably would.

Which brings me to the best Halloween ever! Max Raymond and I attended a private party on Halloween night and had a brilliant time! It...

So I've just gone through another few days of hell, which is to say; flattening, deadening fatigue where you can't even get up to brush your teeth. (those little disposable toothbrushes come in handy.) I don't know how I get through it  sometimes  It is maddening to feel so absolutely dead. And I can't describe it to you so you will understand. I suppose it's similar to how you feel when you've been sick with the stomach flu for days. That weak and wobbly feeling you get when you've been so ill you can't stand up on your own. So how do I get through it? A lot of Netflix. 

The thing most people don't understand about manic depression (also known by the more politically correct but vastly unsatisfying name of bipolar disorder) is that the manic part, which seems like it must be a whole lot of fun, isn't really. Your thoughts race. You want to sleep, but you don't sleep. You may have energy, but it's unfocused. You may feel brilliant, but you also may not be able to get anything done. Sometimes it just feels like a hornet's nest is buzzing around your head. Or like all the appliances in your house are on at once; particularly radios and televisions - several dozen, it feels like. The microwave and the oven and the refrigerator might as well be more screens with more imput on them, the way that your brain feels like it is overloading. You keep opening windows on your computer, looking for something to calm you down or to focus your interest or to keep you occupied but everything is so boring somehow. It is all going so slow and you are going so fast. If you are lucky, you can channel the cacophony into a project or ten, or perhaps be Robin Williams. If...

Due to a cancellation, I was able to get in to see my dentist a little early. I didn't think to have the Xrays from the other dentist transfered, so I had to get all new Xrays; something which is painful and uncomfortable for someone with M.E. I have some jaw issues and my mouth is very small, so opening my mouth as wide as I can while sharp bits of plastic are pushed into my gums can be really difficult to take. The worse part is that the technicians seem to think the problem is that I'm not relaxing. I try to explain but it doesn't seem like they alter the way they do things at all. They just seem to ignore me and treat me like there is no problem. I find this frustrating and a little humiliating. Who likes going to the dentist, anyway? Why didn't I think to take a valium?? Grrr.

Anyway, so the upshot is that the dentist is going to make a little cap to fill in where my front tooth fell out, which is great. He thinks dentures on the bottom may be a...

So today I was able to get together with Richard Man, one of my favorite photographers, and do the first half of the photo shoot for his book; Transformations: Cosplay Photo Project.  Richard is doing something rather unusual in that he is presenting costumers as they are every day, as well as images of them in full regalia. Most of the best  costumers I know are slated to appear in the book; which I think was inspired in part by the book; The Costume Maker's Art, published by Lark Books in the early nineties. That book featured many of the most well known costumers in the sci-fi/fantasy and historical reenactment genres. Richard's book will cut across many genres; including cosplay, historical, steam punk, fantasy and science fiction. Richard is using a four by five camera and the film costs are expensive, so he has started a crowd funding campaign at Go Fund Me.

Our session was the "casual"half of the image process. Anyone who knows me very well knows that I don't really do casual, something Richard and I joked about as we took the photographs. I was done up in my current  uniform; a purely Gothic rendition...

Well the GoFundMe page has been up for three days and we have raised a fantastic $505!! To everyone who's contributed so far; Thank you so much for your kind help

I was able to go to a dentist to get a second opinion on Friday. A hundred dollars from the fund will have to go to that expense. But I found out some things. The only thing that can be done for me that makes sense is full dentures or implants. As far as we know, Medi-cal does pay for full dentures, but it will be months before they will be ready. In the meantime, I have an two unsightly gaps in the front top teeth, as well as four teeth missing on the bottom in the front. This is ruining my self confidence and my ability to make my You Tube videos, even my desire to leave the house, see my boyfriend, meet any new people, etc. I'm just so terribly embarassed to have these ugly gaps in my teeth.

And then, to make things worse, I feel vain. Undeserving. Like I am overreacting. I just want to cry all the time. I look at all the GoFundMe...